Raising children is a full-time job, but with the increasing cost of living, many parents have had to make the tough decision to get back to work much sooner than they may have liked to. This brings with it many advantages, namely that you can earn money for your family and maintain social connections with your colleagues while doing so. However, as with most things in life, there is a drawback: parents often feel guilt for not being around as much as they would have hoped to or blame themselves for any and every mistake their child makes. This is the perfect breeding ground for an unhappy home and work life. Parents should be commended on their resilience and strength, instead of being hard on themselves. Setting boundaries and creating a smooth work-life balance is key here.
Make Time for Yourself
With how hectic life can be at times and the feeling of always being behind on your to-do list, the last thing that parents want to do is take time for themselves, as they may feel it’s selfish since their children come first. However, the saying “fill your cup before you fill that of others” couldn’t be truer in this case. Write down small things that you enjoyed doing before having children, preferably healthy things like going for a walk or cooking in peace, taking a bath or reading your favorite book. Once you have written that down, choose one thing that you will do twice a week and let your partner, children and family know. Ask them to step in and help you here.
You may think and feel like you’re all alone, and the weight of the world is on your shoulders, but there are so many people around you who can’t read or mind or know the pressure you’re putting on yourself unless you tell them about it. Speak up and ask for help. Let your loved ones know that you have planned a time twice a week just for yourself, where your phone and laptop will be off, where nothing and no one should interrupt you.
People are more willing to help than one might think. Try to make friends in your area, neighbors, or school moms who also need some downtime, then you can work as a team instead of one mom or dad against the world. Remember to do things that bring joy into your life, whether that’s baking banana bread or opting to enjoy safe and secure online gambling—there’s no judgement at all.
Set Solid Boundaries
The word boundaries may have been overused lately, there’s hardly anywhere it’s not being used. But at the core, it’s a fantastic word that has more meaning than simply closing yourself off from toxic people. A boundary can also be set for yourself. For example, if you know you need some proper time to relax and take care of yourself, then scrolling on your phone is not going to help you here as it’s known to cause increased anxiety and leave you with a feeling of being an even worse parent and person than you already thought you were. Set a boundary for yourself to not pick up your phone after a certain time in the evening or before a certain hour in the morning. Nothing is going to happen; no one needs to reach you that urgently, and the world is going to crumble if you aren’t reachable and available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Take time to talk to someone if you need to, explore the option of therapy to help heal any parts that you may have neglected.
When you set boundaries for yourself and stick to them, your brain recognizes this quite fast—it clocks the added benefit and stores it as a positive experience, in turn making it easier to set and stick to your boundaries with others. Be a little more selfish with your time, use it for things that improve your life and that of your family. If you notice a friend becoming too negative in your orbit, it’s okay to move away from them a little and give them space.
Reserve your energy and use it wisely, that will allow you to focus on your children and give your undivided attention when they really need it.
Stay Off Social Media
It can’t be stressed enough how detrimental social media can be to everyone, especially new parents trying their best. The images you see online, including those of ‘perfect’ families and parents managing everything so easily, are absolutely fictitious and unachievable. There is no reason to take advice from influencers or feel like you should be doing a better job. Looking at stories or vlogs of moms who have managed to lose their baby weight in four seconds and who sleep with makeup on is really not helpful in any way. The key to creating a good work-life balance is to be compassionate and honest with yourself. You are doing the absolute best you can. Your body is fantastic as it is and a 30-minute walk in the mornings is more than enough; there’s no need to push yourself in the gym or be angry at yourself that you don’t look how you think you should or society tells you to.
The current trend in society is to push even harder, run even further, work even more, but the truth is that you can achieve all your goals with self-love and compassion, you can get to where you want to by praising yourself and your abilities every day, by marveling at what you’ve accomplished so far in such a short time. As the beautiful saying goes, If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion. Be gentle and take things slow. There is no prize at the end of life, so enjoy this moment now.